mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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