I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
