Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I touched a dick in church today
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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