I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
