We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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