If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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