Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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