it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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