I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
