i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
