she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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