We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
