Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
