I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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