I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Green mimosas i think yes
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
