WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
