thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
