remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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