420 ftw
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
