I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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