wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
