how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
