I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize