I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
