those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
