I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
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