I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
