And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
