"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
