I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My vagina just clenched in fear
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize