I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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