I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
