I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
