so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
