Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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