i may or may not be watching the land before time
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
