i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
