come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
