i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
