Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize