Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
