I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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