My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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