Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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