I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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