Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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