you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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