I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
