Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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