sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
