What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
