Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
