I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
