You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
