There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
