After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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