I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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