I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
