I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
