your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
