I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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