i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
