none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
