Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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